First of all I would like you to understand that it takes a lot of guts to report a crime like this. Especially because after the incident self-blame is more than common.

 

But reporting it is very, very important. When it first hit me that I was sexually assaulted, I did not want to report it! I felt it was “too big”, “too much”. But a good friend and a family friend explained the situation to me, and made me understand what really had happened. It was extremely surreal. I decided to report it, and I just kept moving…I did the things I had to do, but it felt as if I was not even in my body.

 

It was a long, complicated and painful journey! And it really is more than just not easy!

But the worst part was yet to come…. court!

As a matter of fact it is a hearing first.

 

You will have to face the perpetrator. You will be sitting in front of some people you do not know. And you will be asked very, very personal questions.

I was questioned for about two and a half hours. And it was rough. There are things that I regret saying…and I honestly do not know where the answers came from. One answer keeps hunting me, because it really was not specific enough…and I felt it was misinterpreted. It keeps coming back, and I keep asking myself: “Why did you say that? Where in the world did that come from?” And to this day I cannot find an explanation.

And it still upsets me!

 

But it is too late now. With all the evidence we had and the hearing taking an entire day, the outcome was not good. The person who had to put his recommendation in got hung up on details that seem ridiculous, and so darn unimportant to me. But it does not matter. People who have not been through this will not understand. The whole process is frustrating and disappointing. When I reported it I believed in justice! There was no doubt in my mind, that justice would be spoken. I had no doubts because I know the truth, and it seemed so sure that there was enough evidence and that people would actually listen to me and understand me. But that is not the case. Because these people don’t know you or me. They are doing a job – not more or less. And some of them do a good one, but others just simply don’t. It seems like a game…everything seems like it is not real!

 

When the hearing was over everybody seemed more than confident that it would be recommended to go further, and I felt good about it too!

But then the bad news, the recommendation was negative. It was a big bummer!

I felt so disappointed…I cannot even explain. This man knows he did me wrong, he even failed his lie-detector-test!!!! And here I am, and cannot to something about it in a normal manner!

 

I was very upset.

At first I was more than certain that I still wanted to take the case further. There was no doubt! I felt like I could not let him off the hook like that!

But the situation had already taken it’s toll on me, my health, my sleep, my relationship – everything!!!!

 

 

After talking it over with my husband, we decided not to take it further, so we also gave a negative recommendation. At this point and time it was the right thing to do! I know that. But sometimes I still ask myself what would have happened.

When I decided to choose that path, I decided to put it in God’s hands. I did what was in my power, but I just could not go any further at that point. I gave it to God so he can proceed with his plan. I trust that justice will be served.

My life has changed completely already – nothing can turn back the time. Not even seeing that man in jail! I am sure it would have given me some comfort temporarily, but it would not make my situation any better.

I trust in God. And I will leave it like that! I have to let it go, and it takes time. But I believe I am in the middle of the process.

 

 

I would like to tell you that every case is different, but you would be surprised how many cases are similar. You would be surprised how often the criminal walks out of this, not being convicted, no matter how much evidence there is! One little detail can throw off the case.

 

I do not mean to discourage you! If my hearing went positive, I would have taken that road to the end! I believe it is more than important that you report what happened. It is important to you. You need to do, what is right for you. You need to be able to look back, and know you did the right thing! Maybe you help saving somebody else who would be the next victim. Maybe it just relieves you! But no matter what you do – find somebody you can talk to! Someone who can give you specific legal or emotional support!

 

You reporting him can safe lives!

 

 

more to come...still under construction