What changes after the rape?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!EVERYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, it is really hard to put all the changes on one page. Especially because every case varies, everybody is different.

But you can be certain that your life will be turned around in many aspects.


I worked through a lot on my life and I thought I could handle this just as well. But I was wrong.


It does not just go away!


It stays with you, day and night!

You will not stop thinking about it. And first it completely controls you. It gets a little better with time, but it can take really, really long. That again, is why it is so important to get help. I could not have done it without all the support and help I have received.


You will find yourself scanning every parking lot, every restaurant, every street and store.

You will find yourself checking every single person as you walk through the room, and you will probably choose a table which overlooks the whole place. You might jump when someone comes up from behind you, and you might feel uncomfortable in certain areas. You will probably try to avoid those areas, and will rather take a longer trip to the store than going to one were you could walk into someone you do not want to see.

You probably will have a hard time sleeping or sleep all the time. You might lose your smile for a time and your humor. It will be very emotional!

There is so much that will go on.


When it comes to me, I will never see the world through the same eyes. I am much more cautions and careful. I do not think I will ever enjoy just going out like that again.

For a while I thought I would lose myself. And I really did not have a problem with who I was before it happened. So I was upset and I tried to fight it. I got frustrated because I felt the sadness would never go away.

But it did, at least a little and it is getting better with time.


But what changes the most is probably your interactions with people. Your relationships and friendships will be tested. You might lose some friends (but those were probably not real friends anyways!) and you might find some new friends, or become closer with people you did not expect to be that close with. You will filter out more carefully who makes you happy and who does not mean anything to you. You will let some people go and you will hold on to others.

There might be even family members, or in-laws who give you a hard time. People might not know what to think and how to handle it, so they do many mistakes.


You will also go through some challenging times with your partner. But as long as you two talk and share your fears and thoughts you should be ok. If it seems too hard you might want to consider going to counseling. It is possible that your partner is progressing at a different speed than you are. Healing is different from person to person. Both of you need to understand that one of you might be further in the progress than the other one. Take the time and talk about it! Be understanding, patient and loving! Help each other!


It is a rough road, and you will see how everything will be struck by the stress this situation causes. But you need to keep your head up high and remember:



Find someone to talk to, talk to your partner, best friend, parents….who ever you are comfortable with. And always remember that some people do not know how to handle it. And it is not their fault. Your support system needs your support too. So please be understanding with them, try to help them understand you!

And do not worry about the people that talk about you and hurt you. People who spread lies are often surrounded by other “no-good” people. The smarter ones will look at the person lying and see that the source speaks for itself.
So do not worry! It will be ok.
It just takes time to heal!
And you should take all the time you need!

comments? questions? write me! click here!