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28 July 2004
Sweetlady,
You are truly a child of God. It takes a loving, unselfish, forgiving and kindhearted
person to take such an awful experience and turn it into something good for others. Your web site is very, very informative. I
know that anyone who takes the time to read it will be more aware and better equipped. Keep trusting
always in the Lord and you and your family will be blessed. God Bless You.....
Ms. Carol
Sat, 07 Aug 2004
To a very strong person....
....because thatīs what
you are ! I think it takes a lot to help others with your experience, you can be really proud about yourself.
I hope
you will always stay that strong and that you keep your power !
You are a special person and I feel so sorry that you had
to make such a bad experience.
God bless you !!!
T.W.
Hi Sweetlady
My name is Kim. I was raped when I was 14 years old by my boyfriend's older brother. I fought him and fought
him but he was much bigger and much stronger. He cut me on my left arm just above the wrist and everyday i look at that scare
and think about my situation, because as a result of the rape I got pregnant and I was so young and so scared that I
had an abortion. My older sister was the only one who knew about what happened to me and that is only because i couldn't get
the abortion without an adult. I didnt want anyone to know about it because i felt like it was my fault and i guess in a way
i still do. If i had only runs thru my head every day. I just recently told a close friend about this and my mother. For the
last year I just havent been able to go on like nothing happened as i have for the past six years. It got harder for me when
I started self destructing I could feel myself and who I was slipping away from me. I got onto drugs and drinking everyday. I
know now that if i had talked about it when it first happened and not held it all in for me to deal with alone, that i would
probably be at a complete different place in my life. my healing process was put on hold that is until now I am older and
with your page I see things differnt. If i can get over the rape itself then maybe one day i will be able to forgive myself
for the abortion.
thank you for listening i hope to hear from you soon Kim
25 sept 2004
hi i just read your site i was just wodering how long is that asshole that done this
to u in jail for???im just wondering and i know i don't know you but u seem very strong to me and im glad your trying your
best to get though this please get back to me thank you
14 Oct 2004
I am sorry you had to go through all this, and I am sorry that something like this made you feel
so bad and hurt. I can not speak from experience, I do not have that, but what I can say to you is it will all get better.
Obviously you are in a loving and caring relationship and I know you are very proud of that, your husband is a good man for
sticking by your side, it might be hard at times, but I KNOW it will only get better. You speaking out on what happened
that night definitely helps you in the long run and especially keeping your faith in god!!! I am truly mad that you
could not stay here in the U.S. longer so we could have met, it's been years and even after all these long years and sometimes
not sending emails and that 1 time we talked on the phone I still feel like you are a close friend of mine, but you have to
do what you have to do, and if you feel safer somewhere else, then so be it!!! I'll miss you!!! Stay safe and
I'll be praying!!
Kerri Hause (BP friend)
BUDSMOKER11@aol.com , 20 APR 2005:
sweetlady if that is your story i read of the woman being raped let me start off by saying you are a very
strong woman to have gone through such an experience that no one should.i hope your life is as blessed as the heavens and
that all that is behind you .i hope my words reach you and thank you for sharing your experience with me.
Trisha Jones, 25th of june 2005
hey this is Trisha, i am almost 14, from mississippi.. and i viewed your website, and it really inspired me. At
the first of June, on the 1st, i was raped in my own home. i thought i knew the guy, but i didnt. he is 19 and he knows
that i am almost 14 (July 21 ill be 14) .. anyways.. and your web site really inspired me to share my story .. to help other
teens like myself, you know what i mean?... but i just can't find anywhere to post it,... i mean, you may not care, but i
would just like to help insipire other teenage girls like myself the way that you helped inspire me. but if you can
help me .. please let me know.. and thanks again for what you did for me .. you have some currage.. and you are my new hero!!!
thanks!!
-Trisha
23 Apr 06
you have given me hope It has been 4 years and it still feels like it was yesterday
rochelle
Thanks
for your site! Like you my experience wasn't violent in terms of using a weapon but it did really change my life.
After your story you said "Rape
means to be forced to perform a sexual
act. No matter how it occurs." that was the best thing I have read all day! Thank you Thank you!
Kirsten Pope
5th March 2006
My name is Jessica, I'm 20 years old and on April 16th 2005 I was sexually assualted and raped at a house
party.
I was very intoxicated and he carried me to his bedroom. Then he began kissing and groping me.
He tried to force me to give him oral sex and then took a small club or bat of some sort and proceeded to penetrate me repeatedly...I
was hysterical..screaming, crying, and begging for him to stop. I tried to push him off but he was strong and overpowered
me a great deal. From the alcohol and trauma I passed out off and on throughout the assault. Upon waking up the final
time I was in excruciating pain and saw that he was using an empty corona bottle to penetrate me. I was able to push
him off of me at this point and ran to my car,locked the doors, and went home. I don't remember drive home...the next
thing I knew I waking up in my bed in horrible pain. I went to the bathroom and noticed there was blood all over my panties
and jeans. I ran upstairs to tell my mom and collapsed infront of her. As I was telling her the phone rang, it
was my attacker. He had my cell phone and called to "check on me!!!" We went to the hospital and had the rape kit done and
the police met me there. Later they took me to the station for the details. To this day nothing was done. I have
now moved to another state and have talked to police here, who say the police didn't follow any of the correct proceedures.
Since the incident I haven't tried to deal with the pain, instead I try to act like it didn't happen, but I can't. I think
about it every day and today I decided to start my healing process. Thank you for your website. It's nice having
someone out there who understands what its like to be violated and who is committed to helping others who have shared similar
experiences.
11 Apr 06, 13:05
Hello there,
I came across your web site as I was looking for online support. I am frustrated with the legal system
and feel unbelievable self blame and hatred for being raped. I was severely intoxicated to the point that I couldn't
stand and became physically ill. I didn't realize I was raped because I don't remember the entire night. I don't
remember my clothes coming off or how we started. I blame myself not for remembering and not remembering saying no.
Lost and confused in Massachusetts.
Gina
21 Nov 2006
Hello. What a wonderful website you have developed. I love the spiritual aspect you've
added to it, as I believe that that is the only way to truly heal from a rape. I was raped as a college student
in 1987. I was walking home from a fraternity party by myself at 2 am, very intoxicated. A stranger crossed the
street and started walking with me and talking with me. When we came near a wooded area, he dragged me into the woods,
punched me in the face several times, choked me and raped me. Afterwards, I ran home and my roommates called the police
and took me to the hospital. I had a fractured eye socket and a hemotoma over my eye. I took a week off of school
and then came back and started living life, trying to be as normal as possible. I wanted to just forget about it and
push it away and pretend that it didn't happen. I told a few friends and moved on. I married after college, had
a very successful career and and have two wonderful boys, aged 4 and 6. Over the years, I would have nightmares once
in a while, but I mostly lived life as though it never happpened. Then, last January '05, I heard a sermon at church
and the pastor asked "What will you do to serve the Lord this year?" I was feeling a need to do something more profound
than the volunteering I was doing at church. I ended up on the Rape Crisis Center website for my community looking for
opportunities to volunteer. I called them and talked to an employee and she commented that she thought I would make a good
board member. A month later, the Executive Director called me and by March I was inducted to the board of directors.
At the time, I was reading Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" and came across this passage:
"God intentionally allows you to go through painful experiences to equip you for ministry to
others. The Bible says, "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled,
we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." If you really desire to be used by God, you must understand
a powerful truth: The very experiences that you have resented or regretted most in life - the ones you've wanted to hide and
forget - are the experiences God wants to use to help others. They are your ministry! For God to use your painful
experiences, you must be willing to share them. You have to stop covering them up, and you must honestly admit your
faults, failures, and fears. Doing this will probably be your most effective ministry. People are always more
encouraged when we share how God's grace helped us in weakness than when we brag about our strengths."
I was floored when I read this, as it so hit right on with what I was doing. My year of
2005 was a year of healing that I didn't even know I needed, but God knew I did. It took me 18 years to face what happened
head on and truly heal from it. I had become a Christian just the year before and it is so amazing that one of the first
things God took me through once I started my relationship with him was this healing process. I have since told longtime
friends that never knew this about my past. I've decided that I shouldn't keep it a secret anymore, because that shame
is why this crime is so underreported and so difficult to cope with. Now I am proud to talk about how this happened
to me and that I am using my experience to benefit others.
My favorite Bible verse to those who are going through difficult times in healing is: "May
the God of Hope fill you with all Joy and Peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the
Holy Spirit." God is truly the God of Hope and he can help you heal if you open up and invite him into your life.
You just need to be ready to do what he asks you to do!
~Michelle
30 Oct 2006
Hi. I read your story. I also am a victim of rape. This happened to me 20 years ago & have
never dealt with it. This is the first time that I have read anything about someones tragedy in regards to rape.
I guess I have just blocked it out of my head. You are brave & strong
Leti
Hello!
My name is Lauren and I
am a Rape Crisis Counselor/Advocate in New York State
. Every day I deal with women, men and children that unfortunately know the pain of sexual violence. In fact,
I myself have been a victim (or survivor, if you will) on 2 different occasions. As I am sure you know, oftentimes
victims feel so alone, so it was wonderful to come across your amazing website. I plan on sharing your website with
all of my clients! The amount of info and personal accounts of your own experience with sexual violence serves victims
well. On one of the pages you said this: “ If you are alive, you did everything right! “ I loved that!!!! Brilliant!!! You should be so proud!!!
Thank you for an inspiring and
informative website. It truly is a remarkable resource!
Lauren
West
Steuben County Counselor/Advocate
Rape Crisis of the Southern Tier
1-888-810-0093
www.rcst.org
28 Dec 2006
I just wanted to say thank you
for your website.
I was drugged and raped about
3 years ago. I think I was in denial for a couple years. Recently I began remembering small things. Of course I kept telling
myself “Oh those guys wouldn’t do that…” now I know it wasn’t imaginary.
Reading your strong courageous
words is what I’ve been looking for. I’ve been feeling a sense of resentment and anger. Underlying those strong
emotions was a sense of justice and faith (I believe strongly in karma) I want to release the negative energy and allow myself
to heal spiritually. Your story helps…
Thank you
Brittany
S. Figueira
7 Jan 2007
Hi my name is Tamara im 19 ill be 20 feb 13. i was raped this new years eve between 2am and 3am by my uncle.
i cant begin to tell you how sick and so damn tired i am. im so tired of crying and havent slept that well lately. please
tell me that it will get better and soon. i have support from parents and most of all my boyfriend. i was so afraid to tell
him at first because i wasnt sure how he would react or think of me after he knew. i dont know where i would be with out him.
my question is how do i not be so angry. i find myself getting pissed for no reason and lashing out at people who dont deserve
it. also i find myself with drawing from interaction with people and i hate being alone. but i feel so awkward and out of
place when im around people what should i do?
Tamara
17 Jan 2007
Thank you very much for taking the time to create your website. I was raped by my chiropractor and
his friends three years ago and I have just started dealing with it. I never told anyone, I tried to kill myself, and
while recovering I finally told my friend what happened. I wish I would have spoken up much sooner. Your story reassures
me that I am not crazy and alone. Thank you. Your website will help so many people. I wish I would
have seen your website three years ago. I would have had the courage to speak the unspeakable and saved myself a lot
of suffering. I do know it's going to be a long road, but you are inspiring. I hope to get through my grief with
the same attitude you have.
God bless you.
Ilsa
HOME: here4victims/rape
28 FEB 2007
Hi i am Miss T. I was also raped. I was 15 i had just started high school and i was making new friends.
I had a lot of guy friends in my neighbor hood. We were all always together. Well one of my "friends" decided to call me over
one day. I went thinking nothing about it. When i got there we started talking and he offered me something to drink. Then
he proceeded to tell me he thought i was very very pretty. and well dreveloped for my age. I said thank you, then he said
he wanted to show me something in his room. I went (it was not the first time i had been in there, everyone was always there)
when i wnet in the room he came in behind me and locked the door. I asked what he did that for and he said it was a habit.
So we sat down on the bed and he started rubbing on my leg. I told him to stop cause he knew i liked someone else. But he
didnt stop. He then proceeded to grab my breast. I tried to get up and leave but he pushed me down on the bed. He took my
shirt off and started sucking on my breast. Then he grabbed them. Then he took my pants off and started ramming his fringers
in to me. It hurt so bad that i started to block it out. He then took his clothes off and proceeded to rape me. I begged and
pleaded for him to stop but when i did he just went harder. when he finally climaxed. He started sucking on my breast again.
when he was fully errect again he pushed himself into my mouth and forced me to give him oral. He climaxed in my mouth. Then
he made himself hard again and put his member in my but and did me from behind. All through this i kept screaming and he kept
raping me. He finally finished and allowed me to get off the bed only to rape me again. when i finally got out of the room.
i seen his cousins sitting there. The whole time i was screaming they were there and no one came to help me. I never filed
any charges. I didnt even tell anyone for 2 1/2 years. I was so humiliated and dissapointed with my self. But i didnt let
any of that stop me. I am now happily engeged, and currently going to college to be a shrink. So that i can help others who
have had the same thing done to them. Thank you for listening.
Always
Miss T
12 March 2007
Hi there,
I'm not sure if you still keep up with your website about rape but, if you do, then
I'd like to thank you for your website. My name is Emilie, i'm 16 years old, and I was raped 2 days ago by a friend of
mine...I was intoxicated with alcohol as I am an alcoholic (for which I am getting help for) when my "friend" took me and
raped me. He took away my virginity and he took a part of me as well. I reported it to the police and they did the whole rape
kit thing but I still don't know if the guy was arrested. You see, he's 23 years old. He's not even a minor. I've been trying
to act like nothing happened but it did and it hurts inside. The police may not even do anything because i drank alcohol and
so they say perhaps my memory is foggy and i did say yes to him. even though i clearly did not.
I don't quite know what
to do, my parents and siblings say its partly my fault because I drank so I feel so alone. People say they understand
how I feel but they don't, they didn't get violated like I did. which is why i'm grateful I came upon your page. In fact,
if you do put this in your guestbook, i'd appreciate it if you could put my e-mail address as I would like to talk to some
other rape victims if I could because I feel so damn alone......
I hope you do get this e-mail. And thanks again or your
website.
-emilie kewlgirl_1@hotmail.com
In March of '07' i was raped by someone i thought was a friend of mine for 14 yrs. He was my husbands
best friend for 21 yrs. and approximately a year ago he started dating my aunt. Tim (the offender) and i were out alone one
night which wasn't unusual because we had gone out alone many times before over the years. I had three drinks and felt strange
as if someone had put something in my drink so i told Tim let's go home. We left the bar and as i was walking
out i fell. Tim drove my car to his uncle's house which was also his and told me he had to pick something up. I went in to
use the bathroom and said hi to his uncle. As i walked to the front door to leave thinking he was back in the car, he came
out of his room which is right by the front door and grabbed my arm and pulled me in his room, he threw me on the bed
and pulled my pants off without unbuttoning them, i was telling him to stop and pushing him off me and he was pushing me back. It
lasted for about two to three minutes and when he finished i got up and started to cry, he said "don't cry, let's go". He
drove my car to my house and when i went in i immediately started crying to my husband and he grabbed paper weight and was
going to hit Tim with it. My husband new in his heart what happened but I told my husband i was just really drunk
and nothing was wrong. I only told him that because my kids were in the house and i didn't want anything to happen.
The next day my husband told my aunt that i came home and he new i had been raped but again, i denied it because i didn't
want problems. I kept it to myself and blocked it out of my mind for 1 1/2 months. The four of us continued to hang out as
if nothing happen even though i wanted to tell someone and finally told everyone on May 4th 2007. Tim
denied anything happened at all until the next afternoon when he had his own false version of the story. He told my aunt that
i seduced him and performed oral sex on him in the car and then we had mutual sex at his house. This version never happened
and it makes me sick to think ANYONE would believe him. My aunt believed his lies and started telling everyone she is the
victim, i seduced her boyfriend and I'm the liar. This wasn't the first time he tried, but it is the first and last time he
succeeded. I would never have thought of doing anything with him willingly. I have always felt he was physically
disgusting and alot of women i know feel the same way about him. My aunt is the only person who believes him and i hope
she sleeps well knowing he is a rapist. I believe she knows he did it and is in denial because she is too ashamed to admit
the kind of person she is with. Thank you for sharing my story. S.V.
Sent: Thursday, May 24, 2007 10:33:06 PM Subject: Re: Please HELP
dear cathy, i would love to help in any way. let me know if there is something i can do! the best
way to reach out are groups were survivors meet and online is always good because she can decide how far she wants to go and
what she wants to talk about.
what you should do is be there for her. if she needs to talk, let her talk. if she needs to cry or yell,
let her do that. if she needs to just sit with you, do that. just let her know you are there for her and that you have no
doubt in your mind that she is a wonderful, beautiful person inside and out. let her know that she did nothing wrong and that
she is strong. rape is so tough because it feels like you lose yourself. help her to grief about that loss and help her to
define a new personality. please do not hesitate to write me at all!
kerstin
<berbicebabe28@yahoo.com> wrote:
A family member of mine was recently rape by a prominent religious leader in Trinidad. The story has made headlines but she has been
courageous and brave intent to fight the injustice and stop future rape. She is not from Trinidad but for the next couple of weeks has to remain in
the country until her case is reviewed. She can used words of support and encouragement and I was wondering whether
you might to a way to reach out to other victims. I am a survivor myself from 10 years of sexual abuse and rape.
PLEASE HELP HER.....fight.
21 July 2007, Cassandra
I wanted to talk to you about an issue i have...I'm 15 years old and I have been through 5 of these horrible
experiences. Each by a different guy. The first one was the worst.He was my ex-boyfriend. I still cared about him in a way and
i know he cared about me but he had a hard time controling himself. He really hurt me emotionally and the physical effects
came in later. He cried about it every night after what he did to me, and i didn't really know what had happened until a few
days later. My boyfriend at the time helped me get through it and so did my friends. I knew that there was still good in him
and i didn't tell anyone other then my friends and my boyfriend's parents. Then came the day when i was face to face with
him. I was alone with him again but i wasn't afraid. I walked over to him and got on my knees to look him in the eyes. They
were red and full of tears. I put my hand on his heart and said that we are going to get through this. Over time he changed
to the way i knew he was. He never hurt me again. He has not forgiven himself, but he is now part of my closest group of friends
again. The other 4 were quick, i had my clothes on, and they were very painful physically. One is another one of my friends.
He had done it to multiple girls, but i was the only one who ever fought back. My boyfriend and his family take care of a
number of people, 7 of the 13 who live with them have been raped. I helped the 7 get through their pain and forgive those
who did them harm. One of the 7 is the 2nd person who raped me. He lives with one of his victims, she asked him to stay with
her and the child he had given her. They care greatly for each other and she does not regret living with him. He is a very
good person who was in a terrible situation. Temptation flowed through him and he could not surpass it. Since i had told him
no and clawed his face, all he has to do is look at the scar i gave him and remember that it is wrong to hurt people. The
other 3 people who hurt me have been forgiven and i have confronted them all. They know of the damage they caused me and only
one of them doesn't care. i don't know what it is about me that makes them realize they have done something wrong, and then
stop doing it even though they have hurt others. They just look at me and can't help but cry. I really need to know what you
think about this. I also wanted to tell you that i think you are very strong and that you have a big heart for helping all
these people. You are a one of a kind person and i am glad to know that they is much hope still left in the world. Please
let me know about your thoughts.
Thank You
15 July, Claudia D.S.
I am truly sorry you had to go through that grusome ordeal. I would also like to say thank
you because you made my decision much easier about going into law inforcement to investigate sex crimes. I also appreciate
the fact that when you made a comment about the police who took your statement you didn't include all officers. like
you said god is good and its a blessing that you made it this far, continue to praise him for only he can make things right.
p.s i look forward to building a realationship with you.
11 July 2007
Kerstin,
I just finished viewing your
entire website. Not only am I a rape crisis counselor/advocate but I am also a survivor as well! I thought that your site
was amazing, raw, truthful, and inspiring! I could empathize with so many of your thoughts and feelings… it brought
me to tears.
I think that it’s great
that a courageous woman like you can speak out publicly about the outrage of sexual violence and the reality of its prevalence…
I applaud you! Thank you for supporting our cause and helping the many survivors out there have a voice.
Katrina Tobey
Youth Counselor/ Advocate
Rape Crisis of the Southern Tier
AmeriCorps Kids First Initiative Member
Office: (607) 796-0220 ext. 403
24 hr. / Toll Free Hotline: 1-888-810-0093
Email: katrina.tobey@ppsfl.org
3 Aug 2007
Cassandra wrote:
It's no problem that you didn't reply right away. i don't mind. You need to take care of your needs just
like me and everyone else. I do enjoy time with my friends and family and i love hanging out with all of them. I always remember
that they are by my side and that everyone goes through bad times. I just have to hang onto the fact that things get better,
even though they are harder. I've tried to cry and let it out, but every chance i get something comes up with my friend that
makes me stop and be strong to help her in her situation. I told her one day that some one i know told me, "You spend so much
time saving others from their pain, but where is the one who is going to save you? When is it your turn?" I have remembered
that ever since he told me. When i told her that she said that, that person is probably close by and will come soon. I told
her what he said becuase i never have been able to ask her for help. And when i do she doesn't know what to say. I don't mind
it really, it's just painful to have her cry to me and i can't do the same. I have once before, but never again. She's a great
friend and i can confide in her, but i never really get to be comforted by her. She get's mad because of what happened to
me, or she's having a bad day. I don't like it when she is mad and i told her that it's the last thing she needs to be in
those situations. Anger doesn't help anyone, it just makes everything worse. I have faith in her and everyone else. I know
that it will get much better than it is now and that everything will be fine with a few problems here and there, but it's
normal. Thank you for putting my poem on, i wrote it a long time ago about me and my friend. Sometimes bad things with friends,
or people that may have hurt you aren't how they may seem. I never concidered that before, until the day i saw that everyone
feels pain no matter what, and i have no reason to hate them. I don't hate anyone, even if i don't love everyone.
sweetlady0414@yahoo.com>
wrote:
Dear cassandra, first fo all I have to apologize for not writing back right away. I have had some medical
issues which are still not resolved so I have been very busy with appointments and my family.
I am amazed by the way you allow yourself to open up. Even though you have experienced so much horror you
still allow yourself to trust people and see the good in them. I admire that. I really do. I feel the same way and I always
try to see the good in people but I have put myself in situations with people who I could not help and they hurt me one way
or the other. You have to realize that you are your own responsibility first and foremost. If you are not healthy you can
not truley help someone else to be. But I see how strong you are and how much helping people means to me. It seems you are
doing very well for yourself and others. I just do not want you to forget about yourself. Do things that are fun, things that
are only for you...going out, the gym, crafty stuff...anything. Just stay true to your spirit. Make yourself happy and you
will be able to continue what you are doing and helping others. You are so strong. Dont be afraid to cry sometimes. Dont think
you always have to be strong- it is ok to have bad days!
You are so admirable! I love your poem also. I will put it on my page today! Stay sweet and get back with
me, ok?
Cassandra
wrote:
I wanted to talk to you about an issue i have...I'm 15 years old and I have been through 5 of these horrible
experiences. Each by a different guy. The first one was the worst.He was my ex-boyfriend. I still cared about him in a way and
i know he cared about me but he had a hard time controling himself. He really hurt me emotionally and the physical effects
came in later. He cried about it every night after what he did to me, and i didn't really know what had happened until a few
days later. My boyfriend at the time helped me get through it and so did my friends. I knew that there was still good in him
and i didn't tell anyone other then my friends and my boyfriend's parents. Then came the day when i was face to face with
him. I was alone with him again but i wasn't afraid. I walked over to him and got on my knees to look him in the eyes. They
were red and full of tears. I put my hand on his heart and said that we are going to get through this. Over time he changed
to the way i knew he was. He never hurt me again. He has not forgiven himself, but he is now part of my closest group of friends
again. The other 4 were quick, i had my clothes on, and they were very painful physically. One is another one of my friends.
He had done it to multiple girls, but i was the only one who ever fought back. My boyfriend and his family take care of a
number of people, 7 of the 13 who live with them have been raped. I helped the 7 get through their pain and forgive those
who did them harm. One of the 7 is the 2nd person who raped me. He lives with one of his victims, she asked him to stay with
her and the child he had given her. They care greatly for each other and she does not regret living with him. He is a very
good person who was in a terrible situation. Temptation flowed through him and he could not surpass it. Since i had told him
no and clawed his face, all he has to do is look at the scar i gave him and remember that it is wrong to hurt people. The
other 3 people who hurt me have been forgiven and i have confronted them all. They know of the damage they caused me and only
one of them doesn't care. i don't know what it is about me that makes them realize they have done something wrong, and then
stop doing it even though they have hurt others. They just look at me and can't help but cry. I really need to know what you
think about this. I also wanted to tell you that i think you are very strong and that you have a big heart for helping all
these people. You are a one of a kind person and i am glad to know that they is much hope still left in the world. Please
let me know about your thoughts.
Thank You
5 Aug 07
Hi There.
Having read your pages, I can
well identify with a number of things. Although the healing process has been a very long time and is still ongoing, I am glad
to see that it has not destroyed your family. That threat was all so real.
A few days ago, my girlfriend
got burgled and raped at about 4 am. The after effects are traumatic. I feel powerless. I try to help her through her ordeal.
She on the other hand just wants to give up on our relationship as she is feeling worthless. These are very stressful times,
and there are numerous times that one just want to give up. But then reality kicks in and you carry on because you value the
relationship you had and you want to get it back to where it was. It frustrates the hell out of me and if I could lay my hands
on the rapist, I would in all probability kill him, slowly.
Anyway, thank you for sharing
your experiences with others. Keep up the good work; there are many people out there who appreciate it. I am one of them.
Best wishes and good luck.
Rey.
After reading your story, I had tears in my eyes and if it wasnt so late in the night, I would run to the
bathroom and grab a tissue. My health class is now teaching us about rape and is using guess speakers in our class. I think
you should go from school to school and teach about this event. You have taught me about the high numbers of rapes. I watch
shows all the time about things like this. I know that every time you blink, some one is getting raped at that moment. You
have touched my feeling about rape and I wanted to thank you.
Shay
Monday, Feb. 2, 2008
Thank you so much for making this website. I have been to many rape crisis websites
but this one has really struck me. It reaches not victims but survivors. It spoke to me and I could not just leave without
sharing my story. I am 23 now, my assault happened in 2 years ago. I was in college and he was a friend of a "friend" of mine.
I was in her dorm, she told me this guy I've had a crush on since middle schools coming over with his friend. You should hook
up with his friend cause he's cute and I would. I thought nothing of it because friends hangout all the time. They came over
with beers and offered us some but I don't drink beer so I had three sips. The guy she had a crush on asked me different questions
about me that was strange because he was suppose to be with my friend. Where I'm from, etc. Then he kept saying how pretty
I was, how nice and long my hair was. It was weird but I brushed it off. I made out with his friend and we ended up naked
but didnt have sex. He left to go to the bathroom. My friend and the guy she had the crush on were having sex in
the room and after they were done he jumped off her onto me. I thought it was a joke at first. Told him to get off me and
called to her. she walked out and left me there..he raped me and his friend came in and tried to make me give him oral sex.
He told him to stop that it was making me uncomfortable. My friend walked in and out..took a shower and never helped me. After
it, I put my clothes back on and actually begged her to forgive me. She kicked me out of her room..my friend told everyone
around school I wanted it that I'm a hoe. I was hurt, embarrassed, confused and scared. I had a final the next day and
couldn't take it, my ex told me to tell someone so I went to the school's counseling services. It's been a long journey for
me, the nightmares, me feeling worthless. My family and few of my friends know. I've blocked it out for a while to not remember
the pain but I know sharing my story with others will help them. I've learned that my mother was molested several times as
a child. She was so hurt to why I didn't fight back and I was ashamed and upset at myself that I didn't. I had so many what
ifs, what if I didn't have my clothes off. Maybe I was a whore, my behavior something I did made him think it was okay. I
know that It wasn't my fault, I didn't have to beg for forgiveness at all. I separated myself from my body at the time..I
couldn't scream and I've shed many tears. God, has helped me and today I'm living my life not as a victim but a survivor.
Thank you to all the women young and old for your touching stories. May God bless men, women and children trying to cope with
their own story because we all have a story to tell.
Aisha (God's child)
Tue, Feb 12th 2008
how do i tell pple that i were raped when i was 8 yrs old an nobody would believe me
even though i am now 14?
Monday Feb 11th, 2008
it has been almost 5 years. I was at a grocery store at 230 in the afternoon, picking up a book
of stamps for my grandmother. He came from behind with a gun and drove me away in my own car. He had me for 2 hours, at a
nearby lake. I was 25, and on top of the world. I was in my 1st semester of nursing school. The man was found simply by how
accurate my description was, for that i am proud of myself. I knowingly memorized everything i saw, heard, and felt. A year
later, after graduating from college...i sat on stand and he was sentenced 99 years in prison. You would think i would have
moved on then. It had only just begun. I almost lost my husband, i neglected my children, i even lost my nursing liscense.
I turned to drugs. For about 2 years, i was living on the edge. Somehow, i have found a way out of that haze. But now, through
sober eyes...i am almost in a worse place. I am a prisoner in my home. Ive gained 40 lbs, for that im ashamed and feel embarassed
to be seen. I have so much anger, so much regret, and i am not ashamed for being raped....only for what my life became after
it happened. I was called a hero during the trial. Those people would be disappointed in me now. I have a wonderful husband,
2 incredible kids, and many other reasons to come through this. But, for the first time in my life...i cant accomplish something
i want to. Any advice is welcome, and i hope to someday be strong again. I miss the sunshine. I miss feeling pretty. I miss
being proud. I fear the public, and i cannot stand missing one more thing in life. One more school function. One more death
of someone i havent seen because im trapped here. Im 30 now. I lost half of my twenties. My hope is to regain control and
end up in places i want to be, not only places that i think are controllable. I know im doing something wrong. I see women
move on. Why cant I?
14 February 2008
Thank you so much for sharing
your story. Mine is similar but not as serious I guess and a long long time ago. Anyway, I appreciate you sharing your story
it helps.
Thanks,
Sandy
23 Oct 2007
I have had a history of sexual abuse. When I was around the age of 4 my sisters friend made me eat
her out. When I was 14 a guy friend I knew forced forplay on me and then when I was 15 one of my best guy friends raped
me when I was intoxicated. None of these people have gotten in trouble for what they have done and I still have to see
the guy that raped me everyday. I have not had any counsling but have gotten through it pretty much by my self.
I did not tell anyone until a year later when I told my mother. Which she pretty much acts like nothing has happened.
But I thought I would share a poem I wrote with you. It is not that good but it tells my feeling of that night.
Shattered beauty lays upon her face.
A lost inacence torn away in just a day.
Hidden words linger on her lips.
Forever sealed.
Shes never
to be healed.
Whispers of an untold night hover about in her head.
Why can she not block it out for just one night?
A
tear to shed for a lost childhood, forever gone.
Ripped away at the age of 15.
Layen upon her a hand full of grief.
Eyes
full of sorrow.
The pain is still alive.
Its trapped inside.
Even though two years have gone by.
All alone in
the dark.
Faintly remembering what went on that night.
She can still see his eyes glising white.
She can still feel
his touch.
So gentle but so much more rough.
The smell of acohol on his breath.
So bittersweet.
She can still
taste her tears.
A salty treat running down her check.
Oh what resentiment she has.
Never accepting the past.
It's
like a thorn in the palm of her hand.
She is shattered beauty.
Broken pieces scattered all around.
Her heart has
been torn out.
Words out of no ware seep out:
"Tell me child what's your fret?
Hold your heart in your hand.
Look in the mirror.
Do you not see?
Disgrace is all over your face.
All alone and unworthy.
Shattered
beauty is all that your worthy."
-Nicole H
Thank you for your advice your website have def. shed a light onto me about the emotions one feels afterwards.
I wrote her an email today using your advice. your website have impacted my life and it is a tool I can use to help
myself and my girlfriend. I wish you luck on your continual journey of healing.
God Bless You,
Shane
4 Oct 2007
I just wanted to say thank you for you web site. I was raped this weekend and I have been at a loss
for anything. not knowing what to do where to go or even who to talk to. I'm scared and so ashamed. I am
encouraged by you that you had the strength to go to the police or even talk to anyone about what happened. I don't
know if I will ever be able to do that so thanks
Shannon
22 February 2008
Hi Kerstin,
I read your website about being raped, and it helped me have a better understanding of
what
my wife must be going through. She wasn't technically raped, but was molested and he
forced himself on her. This
was only two weeks ago. I wasn't expecting the pain for her
to go away over night, but I am a little distressed about how
long you have been going
through this all, and even more so your recent post saying that you and your husband
have broken
up. It makes me so angry the impact that this man has had on you (and
I don't even know you). My wife is going through
all the unjustice of the justice system
that you went through. All the nightmares, and emotions. She is being painted as
the
criminal .. it just isn't right. We are in Australia so it seems the legal system
is the same all over the world. I wish you all the best, I don't
know if I will show my
wife your website. On one hand I think it would be good, showing her all the emotions
that you
went through so she doesn't think she is crazy, but the amount of time you
have been burdened by it, I don't think she
would be ready for that yet.
Anyway, thanks again .. remember not all men are bastards, and all the best
for you and
your son, I hope you find peace and happiness.
Tyrone
March 7 2008
Dear Sweetlady
Is nice to see ur web page any way thanks for ur commnds and adv.
Take care bye
D.Rajan
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